


We Both Know You Can

by BLONDAUS



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love, M/M, Married Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25322161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLONDAUS/pseuds/BLONDAUS
Summary: “Why did he lie?” he fumes.Jaehyun’s hand lingers a little too long on Johnny’s arm, and Taeyong might just be scared.-Or Taeyong and Johnny are mad in love with each other, that is until Jaehyun appears and maybe Johnny isn't.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 18
Kudos: 107





	We Both Know You Can

**Author's Note:**

> Began writing this is in August of last year and then I abandoned her. 
> 
> Inspired by My Man by Delacey. Enjoy!
> 
> * Not proof-read*

Taeyong loves Johnny. 

Oh, he loves him so much. Johnny loves Taeyong just as much, he’s sure. He always reminds him how much he loves him- when he wakes up Taeyong in the morning as he gets dressed in his suit for work— ’ _ I love you. _ ’ When Taeyong places both of their plates down at the table for their morning breakfast and Johnny leans over for a kiss. ’ _ I love you. _ ’ As Johnny slips on his shoes, he grabs his bag and heads out through the door. ’ _ I love you, Taeyong _ .’

Johnny is a good man who means no harm. A gentle giant that Taeyong has fallen in love with and the best husband anyone could ever have. 

But Taeyong knows Johnny better than anyone. He sees this even more so when Johnny brings Jaehyun over for dinner one night.

“ _ Yong, hi, baby. How are you?”  _

Johnny’s voice resonates through the speaker on Taeyong’s phone. “I’m doing good. How are you feeling? Late-night again at work?” 

_ “Hmm, a little but it’s the last day of the week so, no bother. Did you go buy groceries for dinner tonight _ ?” 

Taeyong fumbles the pin onto the keypad and turns the doorknob. He hears Ruby barking on the other side awaiting his presence. “Yeah, I’m getting home right now to start it.” Ruby is jumping at Taeyong’s feet wanting to reach for whatever he has inside those grocery bags. “Should I start it now, or wait a little?”

“ _ No, you can go ahead- hey! Make sure to run these through too,” _ Johnny cuts mid-sentence to tell someone. 

“Oh, is a co-worker there late with you too?” Taeyong manages to throw off his shoes and keep Ruby from tearing his bag open. 

Johnny comes back on the line.  “ _ Yeah, I was going to ask you. Is it okay if I invite him over for dinner? I want to thank him for staying.”  _

Johnny is friendly with his co-workers. Taeyong has met a couple of them Taeyong at company parties, but he’s never had one come over to their place. He enjoys leaving work at the work-place and that included his co-workers. Taeyong guesses Johnny must be feeling really thankful for this person. 

“Sure, babe. Just let me know when you’re near.”

“ _ I love you, Taeyong.”  _

Taeyong doesn’t want to test the waters of making something extravagant for their guest so he settles on pasta. Everyone loves pasta, he’s sure so he gets to preparing it. He tries a mushroom-based pasta and adds bits of seasoned chicken to it. Simple, and safe. 

When Johnny texts Taeyong saying they’re near, Tayeong sets the table and places the rolls on the center of the table. He takes hold of Ruby and sets her in the playpen to avoid her from disrupting their guest. 

Taeyong hears the keys in the door and walks over ready to greet Johnny the same way he does every night. Johnny steps in and Taeyong is ready to take him in for their welcoming kiss.  _ “ _ Welcome home, honey!”

Taeyong wraps Johnny in a hug and leans up for his lips. They meet and Johnny pulls away. “Hi, baby.” 

Taeyong smiles. “Good to see you.” 

Johnny moves Taeyong back to let their visitor in. When Taeyong sees him— now he gets why Johnny invited him over. 

He’s perfect for Johnny. 

Taeyong isn’t insecure. He knows his values and he knows he’s attractive that he still gets hit on at coffee shops early morning before work even though his wedding band is flashing brightly on his left hand. Taeyong knows Johnny is just as lucky to have him as he is to have Johnny— that’s how they’ve found each other’s balance. They have a happy marriage, there’s never been a thing they cannot solve. They are Taeyong & Johnny. 

But Jaehyun is perfect. 

He’s taller than Taeyong but still shorter than Johnny. His hair is the nice tone of brown that falls naturally on Jaehyun’s face whenever he runs his milky hands through them. Small nose, lips are noticeable and,  _ god,  _ his dimples are to die for. You would think his fitting build in his suit would lock people in but no, it’s the  _ goddamn dimples.  _ Ones that he’s sure Johnny is a sucker for. 

Johnny once went boggles when he saw the little dimples that had crept up on Taeyong’s cheeks. They were out on a date having Thai dinner and Johnny had made a terrible joke to which Taeyong just couldn’t find amusement in. He furrowed his brows and brought his lips together into a thin line and, boom, they appeared. The smallest hollow but Johnny lost it. He found it so adorable and told Taeyong just how much he loved them. Taeyong’s face turned away from his frown and made a small smile, only the corner of his lips turned up. The dimples appeared again and Johnny cooed. He made a mental note to check himself in the mirror that night to test out different expressions that would make those little suckers appear. 

However, right now, his dimples were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun’s were full oceans ready to plunge into while Taeyong’s are small puddles that people walk around. 

They do a formal greeting and continue onto dinner. 

Johnny is the leading marketing manager at an advertising company. Jaehyun was a new hire two months ago to track blueprints in the marketing decisions before finalizing plans. His voice is deep and it has a nice ring when making conversation. Johnny is very happy to have him over for dinner and Taeyong will not say he is jealous, but he does feel a little bit odd. But then he feels guilty when Johnny reaches over for Taeyongs hand and gives it a little squeeze, his eyes peering over when he asks ‘ _ Right, babe _ _?’  _ when telling Jaehyun a story. 

Jaehyun left that night thanking Taeyong for dinner and allowing him into their lovely home. 

“See you Monday!” Johnny yelled before closing the door. 

Taeyong stood there and stared. “Well… he’s something.” 

Johnny picked Ruby off the floor and rubbed her ear as he walked over to the couch and plopped down. “That’s Jae for ya’.”  _ God, he has a nickname for him already.  _

“Do you guys work together a lot?” 

Ruby was now nibbling at Johnny’s fingers to which Johnny found no pain to her teeth. “Yeah, kind of. He’s doing really great. I think he might just take my job.” 

Taeyong found his way over to the couch and shooed Ruby off of Johnny.  _ “Babe, _ _ ”  _

Taeyong sat on Johnny’s lap and wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck bringing their faces close for a kiss. “What? She’s taking away my man,” Taeyong whined. 

Johnny laughed. “No one will ever take me away from you, my love.” 

“Yeah, well I hope so. Also, don’t let Jaehyun take away your job either, I can’t afford to feed you on my own.” 

“Ouch _ , _ what happened to ‘in sickness and in health’? Food is part of health y’know.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Taeyong teased. 

Johnny kissed him once on the lips and then around his face before bringing him close for a tight hug. “I love you, Taeyong.” 

Jaehyun comes around a lot more. Taeyong doesn’t feel weird anymore, but instead thankful. Johnny and Taeyong have a lot of mutual friends which is really great- but it’s nice to know Johnny has made friends outside of Taeyong. Johnny wasn’t always very social and it’s not that he was anti-social either. Johnny just enjoyed the presence of being alone, until it got the best of him. 

When Taeyong met Johnny, it was because Taeyong got tired of Johnny sneaking glances at him over the coffee shop. The place was near the university’s campus and it was just a place all the students bombarded throughout the week. However, when all the kids retreated back to their dorms and the coffee shop settled to a quieter spot of nothing but studying students, Taeyong always found him sitting at the table near the door, eyes staring right at him. 

Taeyong could deal with a couple of boys and girls staring at him as he roamed around campus. Everyone always told him he was handsome and although Taeyong wasn’t at all cocky about it, he didn’t think it was  _ this much _ . 

“You just look like those guys off of webtoons and stuff,” Yuta explains. 

“Yeah, well so do you and no one’s staring at you.” Taeyong has his books sprawled out across the courtyard's lawn on top of a blanket while Yuta sunbathes. 

Yuta smiles. “I’m flattered.” Taeyong rolled his eyes. “But no one is staring at me because I have an amazing boyfriend and everyone knows that.” Yuta pushes off his backpack he was resting his head on and stretched his arms out wide. “You, on the other hand, are very much single.” 

Taeyong scribbled away on his notes.  _ God, _ why is he doing pharmacy again? 

“You’re also very intimidating, even if all you do is eat sweets and play with your toy dog all day,” Yuta continued. “People just want to know you, but no one is bold enough to make the move.” 

Yuta left for his class and Taeyong was starting to get drowsy from studying, so he walked to the cafe. 

He settled into his corner spot and the cafe was down to their usual studying students on the floor. Taeyong finished the chapter notes for that week and took a long yawn. He guessed it was time to pack up and go home. When he turned to the door, there were those eyes staring him down. 

Johnny quickly turned away as soon as he caught Taeyong’s eyes. Taeyong didn’t know what to do. He knows that no one is staring at him with bad intentions but  _ god, _ can someone make a freakin move already if he’s so damn attractive? 

So instead of hurrying home to cuddle with Ruby to sleep, Taeyong sat there. He rested his face on the palms of his hands and stared Johnny down. Johnny noticed and fought to keep his eyes down. 

Taeyong knew who Johnny was from the required literature class all students had to take. His height was pretty damn hard to pass up but Taeyong always noticed him as well. His hair was longer then it is now. It had reached his neck and covered his face, but now, Johnny was sporting a shorter look, his hair right over his ears and parted down the middle that exposed his eyes. Nice lips, cute nose, and almond eyes— Taeyong realized he was really handsome, maybe he should be the one staring him down now.

It went on for a while before Johnny hurriedly shut down his laptop and slammed his textbook into his bag and making the quick turn out of the cafe door. Taeyong chuckled, guess now he knows what it’s like. 

And that’s how it went. Johnny tried so hard to keep his eyes away from Taeyong, and Taeyong just smiled and waved each time he caught Johnny. When Taeyong was done with his studying, he’d stare at Johnny until the boy got up and left. He once even winked at Johnny when they stared at each other for longer than three seconds that Johnny choked on his americano making Taeyong laugh. 

“He’s single you know,” Sooyoung whispered. 

Taeyong huffed. “I’m not interested.” 

Sooyoung added the last design to the PowerPoint and shared the look with Taeyong. When he gave the approval she packed her stuff. “Well, it doesn’t matter if you’re interested. If you sit around and keep waiting for someone to finally ask you out then you’re never going to get laid again.” She left and Taeyong was left with no doubt in his mind that that was very true. 

He walked over and plopped down in the spot in front of him. “Hey there.”

Johnny’s looked up and saw him. He shoveled his eyes around trying to focus his attention on something else besides Taeyong. “Oh, uh, hello.” 

_ Flustered, cute _ _.  _

“I’ve noticed you stare at me a lot, so I wanted to return the favor.” 

Johnny kept typing away at his laptop. “Sorry, I just— uh…” 

Taeyong pushed down the laptop screen a little and Johnny had no choice but to look at him. “Well, you must be staring for a reason. Is it a pimple?” 

Johnny’s eyes were wide with no understanding that he was being confronted for his staring problem. He wasn’t the only one who stares at the beautiful boy on campus so God why is he the one being confronted for it. 

“You’re just nice to look at,” he admitted. 

Taeyong laughed. “Is that all?” Johnny didn’t say anything. 

“Well, although I’m flattered that you think I’m  _ nice looking _ , I don’t appreciate it.” 

Johnny didn’t know what to say, Taeyong is so out of his league right now. Also, he is feeling very uncomfortable with this confrontation he’d rather pour a hot americano down his face than deal with this right now. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” 

Taeyong saw the way Johnny’s cheeks were turning pink and decided that it was time to make a move. “Well, if you want to stare at me with full consent, then why don’t you ask me out on a date?” 

“No.” 

“ _ What?”  _

“I-“ Johnny sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just not very dating-like.” 

Taeyong couldn't believe this. He was getting rejected by the person who obviously had a crush on him, and he was  _ hurt. _

“That’s okay, I don't date a lot either,” Taeyong said. 

“No, yeah,” Johnny started, “but I’m— I’m just not very— just very awkward.” 

Taeyong looked at Johnny. Pretty face, full lips, and it was adorable the way he got flustered. It wasn’t Johnny who probably wanted to go on a date with Taeyong— it was Taeyong who wanted to go on a date with Johnny. 

“Come on, I won’t judge or make fun of you,” Taeyong pushes. “It’ll be fun.” 

The date was awkward. Johnny seemed very quiet at the start and Taeyong carried most of the conversation for the first part of the date until Taeyong got tired and started peeling Johnny away layer by layer. By the time he got home, he could have decided to leave Johnny alone and not worry about a follow-up date, but he felt drawn to him and he wasn’t sure what it was. He decided the only way to find out is to keep talking to Johnny, so he texted him before he went to bed that night saying that it was a great date and he hopes for a second. 

Taeyong found out about Johnny’s awkwardness. He was a foreigner who moved in the middle of his high school years. It was hard for Johnny to grow bonds with others because it was hard to express his feelings. Taeyong understood and took it upon himself that Johnny didn’t deserve to be isolated from others just because of some language barrier that he seemed to have As they progressed in their relationship, Johnny began to bloom and show off a better side of him and Taeyong couldn’t have done anything better than to fall in love. 

Johnny still works with Jaehyun, and he still doesn’t talk about work at home, but he always mentions the funny thing Jaehyun did at the office. Taeyong isn't threatened- but he is jealous. 

The thing about jealousy is that it makes you feel guilty. You feel guilty about yourself because there is someone who has something that you don’t. But that guilt fades and then there’s the guilt of wondering why you even felt that way in the first place. Taeyong is having a hard time trying to get rid of jealousy but that’s the other thing about jealousy— you can’t help it. 

He’s happy Johnny has a friend- he’s happy Johnny has a friend that he didn’t have to meet through Taeyong in order to call them a friend. There’s always been a vulnerability to Johnny where he believes anyone he meets is just an acquaintance or co-worker and nothing more than that, just temporary. When Taeyong first told Johnny he liked him, Johnny thought he meant as a friend. When Taeyong kissed him, that’s when he realized. 

So here is Johnny talking about how Jaehyun was bluffing away at their meeting today. It was when Taeyong heard Jaehyun had a boyfriend that he got a little excited. 

“Oh, a boyfriend?” 

Johnny is moving the couch out of the way to vacuum under it. They’re having a small get together in their apartment that night as an early celebration for Taeyong’s birthday. His birthday lands midweek so they decided to celebrate the Saturday before. “Yeah, they’ve been dating for a while, I think.” 

Johnny starts the vacuum and Taeyong doesn’t question anymore, just hopes Jaehyun brings his boyfriend over tonight. 

The get together is going great with a few of Taeyong’s and Johnny’s friends over. Jaehyun arrives a little later but alone. 

“Ah, happy birthday Taeyong!” Jaehyun greets, a small gift bag in his hand. Taeyong says thank you, taking the gift. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Taeyong asks.

Jaehyun glances at Johnny and smiles. “He said he’ll meet me here, just running a little late is all.” 

Taeyong nods and Johnny pulls Jaehyun over to the kitchen to grab a beer. Taeyong returns to his guests and a bugging Ruby who won’t stop barking at them. 

He’s pulling out more snacks from the pantry when Johnny walks in with Jaehyun and a new guest following behind. He turns and nearly drops the bag of tortilla chips 

“Yuta?” 

Sure enough, it’s Yuta. 

“Hey, Yong. It’s been a while, huh?” 

Taeyong hasn’t seen Yuta since he returned to Japan months after they graduated. He landed a job as a company representative and had to travel quite a lot, thus, leaving no room to keep the connection. So how the hell did Jaehyun find him? 

“The quarters here in Seoul were doing horrible, and I was tired of the jet lag so I was asked to take over,” Yuta is dipping the chip into the salsa and taking a bite. 

Taeyong is staring at him from across the countertop and he is beyond right now. “So you came back and didn’t bother to catch up with me?” 

Yuta swigs his beer and nods. “I went to your wedding, saw you were happy and decided that was all I needed to know.” 

Johnny and Jaehyun had moved away from the two to let them catch up and now Taeyong is looking out to the living area to see them talking with others. “So, how did you and Jaehyun end up together?” 

“That tone doesn’t sound very nice,” Yuta calls out. Taeyong shrugs. 

“Jaehyun was already working at the company doing his blueprinting stuff. He was planning on leaving the company a month later, so he mainly was just filling me in for the time being before he left.” 

Taeyong nods. “And then y’all began to date after he left I assume?” 

Yuta bounces his head from shoulder to shoulder. “Kind of, I guess— I mean he’s handsome.” Taeyong rolls his eyes cause that’s obvious. “But I don’t know, after the first couple of meets, it didn’t feel much like dating but just friends hanging out together.” Taeyong freaking chokes on his beer.

“Wait, so you guys aren’t dating?” Yuta shakes his head no. “He told Johnny he was bringing his boyfriend over?” 

Yuta laughs. “Oh, is that what Jaehyun said? Funny of him.” Yuta is chuckling but Taeyong is very confused and it’s starting to make him angry. 

“He always talked about a guy named Johnny and like, how many other Johnny’s do we have in Seoul?” Yuta is letting the words come out and he hasn’t noticed the pupils in Taeyong’s eyes widening. “I had a feeling it was your Johnny, but I didn’t say anything. It was nice to know he was doing well.” 

Oh, this is great. Jaehyun spent his whole date with Yuta talking about _Johnny_. Taeyong chugs his beer down and he places it on the countertop with a thud. Yuta finally stares at Taeyong and gets the picture he just gave off. 

“Hey, Yong-“

“Why did he lie?” he fumes. 

Yuta leans off the counter and shifts his body weight between his legs. “Hey, don’t take my word for it though! Maybe Jaehyun does think we are something more and I’m just really fucking dense to catch on to it.” Taeyong is staring across the room to Johnny, making Jaehyun laugh yet again. “But I wouldn’t say not to… y’ know, watch out a little.” 

Jaehyun’s hand lingers a little too long on Johnny’s arm, and Taeyong might just be scared. 

The first time they argue over Jaehyun is when Johnny calls to tell him he’s going to be late… again. 

“I just don’t get it, Johnny. You basically run the department. Why don’t you have someone else stay behind and finish it?” 

There’s a sigh on the other end and Taeyong is trying to keep himself cool. “ _ Yong, it is because I am the head of the department that I have to stay, don’t you get it?” _ Taeyong does but he just wants to be stubborn for once. 

There’s a voice in the back and it is obvious to assume whose it is. “He’s there with you, right?” The line stays quiet a little too long for Taeyong’s patience. “Johnny-”

“ _ Jaehyun, I’m going to the break room, need anything?” _ There’s another pause and ten seconds go by before Johnny is speaking into the phone again, a door clicking shut behind him. “ _ Yes, he is- he’s my co-worker he has to.” _

Taeyong doesn’t like that answer. “You’ve never made anyone else stay behind with you, always said it’s your troubles, not theirs for not getting stuff done.” He sits down on the couch and Ruby jumps into his lap. She rubs her nose into his neck and Taeyong begins to run his fingers through her hair trying to distract himself from the heat pooling in his head.

“ _ Taeyong, we are not doing this right now. I am at work and don’t have time to be having this conversation with you.”  _ Johnny’s voice is stern and it’s not something Taeyong hears often but he keeps his ground. “ _ Jaehyun is here, yes, we are working. I’ll be home when I can.” _

There’s nothing else to do. Taeyong’s head is bouncing off the walls right now. He lets the conversation die though because nothing good can come out of a phone argument. “Fine. Bye, Johnny.”

Before the line beeps, he hears Johnny say ‘I love you.’ 

Johnny comes home late that night and of course, Taeyong is waiting for him. They greet, argue, and then talk. Johnny conforms to Taeyong, makes him melt under that gaze he gives, one full of love, and promises him the only boy he can ever love in this world is Taeyong himself. 

Taeyong kisses him and the world seems right.

Life keeps moving as it should. They both go back to how they were before and months go by where Taeyong stops doubting Johnny. His heart grows more and more every day and his mind still cannot wrap around just how much he loves Johnny. 

Jaehyun has introduced Johnny to more people and eventually, he makes new friends. Taeyong remembers back to college, back to when Johnny was just the awkward boy who spent his Friday nights alone in his dorm. He’s happy Johnny’s left those days behind and has found ease in being social, putting himself out there away from Taeyong and his own social circle. Johnny has always been a happy man, but lately, there’s a brighter spark to him than before and Taeyong’s heart is warm that his husband is living his best life. 

One day, Johnny tells Taeyong he’ll be going out that night. A friend of his is getting married next month so they’re celebrating at some bar. 

“Ah,” Taeyong nods as he continues to switch through the Netflix suggestions, his tub of ice cream melting away from how long it’s taking him. 

Johnny is fixing his watch on his wrist as he stands in front of the mirror getting ready for his outing. “What, something wrong?”

Taeyong finally settles on a crime documentary and picks up the spoon. “No, just be careful, you lightweight.” Johnny chuckles. “Take the denim jacket and leave that cardigan to rest. You’re going to a bar, not a book club,” Taeyong calls out. 

Johnny reaches for the jacket on the rack and slips it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours, I love you.” He kisses Taeyong and heads out the door. 

A couple of hours go by and he doesn't come back home that night. 

Taeyong texted and called Johnny over and over when he saw the clock turn one. His texts were showing a delivered sign and the rings always reached voicemail yet there were no signs of him. Patience was wearing thin and Taeyong had no idea what to do. Johnny didn’t mention which bar he was going to and he never asked for Jaehyun’s number. He tried texting Yuta, but all he could offer is to trust Johnny and wait until morning comes. 

The door clicks open somewhere around six am and Taeyong sits still in the dining room seat, from which he stayed put in last night. He hears the drop of keys and slumps of shoes. 

When he moves out of his chair and turns towards the front door, Johnny has his back towards him shrugging off his jacket. 

“Johnny,” it's barely a whisper. “Johnny, I’m relieved you’re home.” 

His arms slump down as he holds the jacket in one of them. He doesn't say anything nor does he turn. 

“Johnny-” 

“Oh, Yong.” He’s crying. Johnny drops his head as he slowly turns around to face him. As he brings his face up to meet Taeyong’s, his cheeks are stained. 

Taeyong’s eyes are prickling with tears ready to fall. It hurts to see him this way- so miserable with pain written all over his face, but it hurts more for what he hears next. 

“I made a mistake.” 

And Taeyong can’t sleep. He can’t breathe. 

Johnny is sound asleep next to him— no bother in the world. Relaxed as can be, he sleeps through the night without a haunting thought to keep him. He doesn’t dream about the horror of cheating on his husband. Doesn’t dream about the way Taeyong’s face was stained wet from tears days earlier. His begs of making Johnny promise him he won’t ever do it again. 

No, Johnny is asleep, and Taeyong can’t take it. 

Taeyong carves out Johnny’s face under the darkness and takes it in one last time. He sits up and swings his legs over, his feet touching the cold hard floor under. Ruby who was asleep at the edge of the bed wakes at the movement and barks. Johnny soon wakes up to the sound of Ruby. 

“Hmm… Taeyong what’s wrong?” His voice is drowsy with sleep and he remains laid down. Taeyong doesn’t turn to move but keeps still, scared at what’s going to come next. 

Ruby barks again and Johnny shushes her. “Go to sleep, babe. It’s late.” 

“I think you should go, Johnny,” he whispers. Johnny finally pushes out of his sleep, the shock of what he thinks he just heard bringing him to his senses. 

“Baby, what?” 

Taeyong sighs and he has to say it louder. He has to be firm and sure. “You should go, Johnny.” 

This is it. 

“You cheated on me, and I don’t feel good sleeping next to you. I can’t do it.” He pushes off the bed and walks into the bathroom. Taeyong slouches on the bathroom tile and just sits there. 

He hears Johnny moving around outside. Ruby faint steps are trailing after his thuds. There’s a zipper being opened and drawers being pulled out. He doesn’t know when it happens, but Taeyong ends up falling asleep on the cold floor. When he wakes, he steps out and sees the room's empty, bed still undone and the dip of where Johnny was laying hours earlier visible. 

The keys aren’t hanging on the coffee table anymore, and Ruby is laying on the front of the door, awaiting his return. 

He’s gone. 

“Well, Yong, I’m proud of you.”

Yuta takes a bite of his pasta and watches as Taeyong swirls his spoon in his tea. “It's only the first step.” 

“First step to what?” Taeyong nudges. “To the end of our relationship? Our marriage?”

There's a quiet chatter around the cafe. Taeyong will admit he is not doing well, it's not easy to come to terms that yes, the love of your life cheated on you. And yes, it's been five days since you’ve last spoken to him. Johnny has been coming by their home during the day when Taeyong is busy at work to pick up clothes and essentials. Ruby always waits patiently at the door when Taeyong returns home, but it’s not Taeyong's return she’s waiting on. “Yuta, I don't think I can come back from this.”

He won't cry because that is something Taeyong does not do in front of others— but he wishes he could. His heart is tightening up in his chest, he needs a release. 

A reaching hand has Taeyong put his spoon down. He looks up and Yuta’s eyes are meeting him. He doesn't say anything, but he knows that Yuta is just as sorry as he is. No one deserves this. 

Johnny’s last attempt at making their marriage work was going to couple therapy- but that only brought out an uglier side to Taeyong.

As much as he hates to admit it, Taeyong realizes he's felt very distant from Johnny even before Jaehyun came in the picture. Everything seemed to be part of a routine- morning, breakfast, work, home, dinner and sleep. Although they planned trips and often had date nights, their relationship had seemed to come to a halt with no true plans into the future. Did they plan to be together, yeah, but how far into the future and what would they be doing? 

And the therapist did her job just right. She brought out the truths that neither one ever wanted to say to each other. Taeyong’s truth was the loneliness he felt around his husband, but Johnny’s? Just maybe he wasn’t as in love with Taeyong as Taeyong is with him. 

Taeyong left with just one tear sliding down his face and a sorry Johnny. Realization hit like a truck and Taeyong wished it would've just run him over and killed him. He felt small, and he couldn’t help but compare himself to Jaehyun. Jaehyun, the absolute aphrodite that Johnny has fallen over his tricks. And what could Taeyong offer?  _ Oh Johnny, stay with me, pick me, your loving husband you’ve known for so long. _ Fuck that! Taeyong downplayed himself and realized that if he couldn’t be enough for Johnny before Jaehyun, then he will never be enough for him now. 

The divorce papers were signed the next day. 

To Taeyong’s dismay, the world kept spinning. 

Months have gone by and his feet keep him going one step at a time. There's no manual to dealing with a heartbreak which is completely awful, but there's nothing else he can do about it. Yuta also doesn't throw him a pity party and Taeyong’s not sure if he should be upset or thankful, but he’s glad to have someone around at least. 

He pushes him out of his mind as much as he wants. Tries not to lie to himself, he does miss Johnny so much, but he doesn't wish things were different. Life takes place for a reason and the inevitable is promised. 

He goes out, continues to plan trips, and asks Taeil out to art museums and the movie theater when Yuta is too busy to do so. He took off his wedding ring a week after signing the papers and to his surprise, no one has hit on him yet during his coffee runs, not that he's upset. Just craving the attention he’s lost. 

Tonight, Taeyong is walking through the busy side of the city. He viewed an apartment in a newer neighborhood earlier with a leasing agent. It's a bit more smaller and in a lively, up-beat area than where he currently lives, but he found comfort. A new scenery might be good for him. 

He feels good and he's happy. Stopping at shops to buy clothes and accessories. The fall air is getting chillier giving way for winter to soon come and he's excited for the Christmas lights to overrun the streets, especially in this busy neighborhood he'll soon call home. 

He thinks about picking up boxes for the packing back he’ll have to do at home and how many he should get. The funny thing is he realizes there’s still a lot of his stuff in the apartment, and not much of Johnny’s. The few weeks leading up to the official divorce, Johnny seemed to have picked up all of his belongings without Taeyong realizing just how little of it actually was. Although there were small things he noticed going away like Johnny’s electric shaver or his dictionary collection of random topics, Taeyong never saw the size of the closet become smaller or the food in the fridge seem too much for one person. Leaves him wondering just how much of Johnny was actually there, and somehow it makes him miss even more. 

Taeyong pushes out of his thoughts when he nearly trips over himself. He stares down to see the lace of his boot that came undone moving over to the side of the street to tie it. Pulling the string right and looping it, tying it twice to make it sure it's secured, that's when he hears it. He hears him. 

“Johnny-a!” 

Taeyong looks up and sees the brown hair fluff up and down as he jogs to catch up with the tall man.

“Where's the bag?”

“Oh, I didn't buy it. I didn’t like it very much at the end,” Jaehyun shrugs. 

Johnny nods and turns on his heel to keep down the street.

Jaehyun doesn’t follow. “Johnny,”

Johnny turns. “Hm?” He looks at Jaehyun who has an anxious look on his face. “What is it Jae?”

“About what you said earlier…”.

“Yeah, what did I say?”

Jaehyun sighs. “Are you sure?” His voice lingers, scared of confrontation. “You sure you're ready?”

The older stares at him, no expression on his face. His hands are tucked into his leather jacket and he doesn't move. Jaehyun drops his guard to the ground because  _ of course, he isn’t sure.  _

Johnny’s feet move towards Jaehyun and he hears the clack of his boots on the pavement. His arms move up to hold Jaehyun’s. He lowers his head to catch Jaehyun’s eyes. “Look at me,” 

Jaehyun doesn't want to but Johnny grabs hold of his chin and pulls him up. “If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have said anything. Now… if it's you that doesn't trust me, then I understand.”

“I do trust you, John,” Jaehyun blurts out immediately. “I do.” 

“We’re not together anymore, I don’t think me and Yon- and Taeyong,” Johnny stutters. “There’s nothing Jae. If there was I wouldn’t be standing here with you, I’d be with him but I’m not.” He brings Jaehyun into a hug. “I’ve moved on and I’ll show it to you if you let me.” 

Jaehyun tugs his arms out of Johnny’s embrace and reaches for the back of his neck. He pulls him in and places the softest kiss on his lips. “I'm ready.”

The corners of Johnny’s lips tug up. Their smiles bloom and there’s a spark in Johnny’s eyes. They grab one another's hand and make their way down the street. 

Taeyong moves out behind the post, his heart in his chest ready to thump out. He feels fucked. 

Acceptance, Taeyong thinks this one hurts more.

He wants to scream, he wants to shout, wants to curse the world for making him feel so small. Months have gone by and Taeyong has done everything to avoid  _ Him _ _.  _ Who cares if he was still going out, living life as if he didn't

“To the first boy who lit me a flame- does your heart still remember my name? Or is it his that you're speaking.”

Johnny doesn’t love Taeyong. He loves Jaehyun.

But Taeyong still loves Johnny. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I have no idea why it took me so long to finish but I really wanted to publish her so here it is.


End file.
